Ok, I'm still new to all this, so this may not work. Hopefully it will though. But without further ado...
Here's the link to my script!
A Night at the Bar: Two Plays for the Dearly Departed
Feel free to read it, and make comments if you want. Anything is appreciated, especially in the case of 'Noisy Clocks', because it is still in the tweaking stage.
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Dan
ReplyDeleteWell, Heaven forbid I speak my mind! Howard was a good guy, and I love you - you’re family, but Dave… He’s just going to take some getting used to. (pause) This was a mistake - you obviously don’t give a shit about anybody.
This line is an example of an area of the script where I am missing some exposition. This argument after Chris goes back to the bar a second time is filled with a really dramatic argument, but as a reader I have no idea what exactly it is about yet. I’m not saying I can’t try to follow it. But I am saying that without some more exposition before they get into the thick of things I am not sure that I will be able to retain all the information. Without exposition before their fight, I am trying to remember all this new information and watch them get their fight on.
It would be helpful to me if closer to the top you had Melissa say to Dan “You want my grandfather clock.” Because I was unsure of who wanted/who was owning it. I didn’t know which way the argument was going, who had the upper hand.
I enjoyed reading the script. I like the framing in the same bar. : )
Jess